Co-Parenting with Gratitude: A Therapist’s Reflection on Finding Peace in High Conflict
By Premela Deck
As a therapist, I spend much of my time helping families navigate the often complicated waters of co-parenting. But I’m not just speaking from professional experience—I’ve lived it. I know what it takes to build something steady and peaceful out of what once felt tense, unpredictable, or even adversarial.
And I can confidently say this: gratitude changed our co-parenting story—and it can shape yours, too.
Gratitude Didn’t Come Naturally—But It Came
At the beginning of our journey, gratitude wasn’t the first emotion that surfaced in our dynamic. But with time, intention, and professional support, things began to shift. Working with a therapist and a parenting coordinator helped us build new patterns, improve communication, and learn to pause before reacting. They helped us focus on the shared love we have for our child and encouraged us to engage with each other with more empathy and perspective.
Gratitude became a key part of that growth. It helped us replace defensiveness with collaboration and turn tension into moments of understanding.
What Gratitude Looks Like in High-Conflict Co-Parenting
Gratitude in co-parenting doesn’t have to mean agreeing on everything or feeling warmly toward your co-parent at every turn. It means making a deliberate choice to notice what’s working, and honoring the small ways peace is built.
Here are just a few examples of what that looked like for us—and what it can look like for others:
Appreciating that our child has two parents who show up and care deeply, even if we express that care differently
Noticing small cooperative gestures—a thoughtful message, a willingness to compromise, or respectful communication
Acknowledging shared goals, such as wanting our child to feel safe, supported, and successful
Recognizing growth, both in ourselves and in our co-parent, when we respond with calm, consistency, or compassion
It’s a Practice That Builds Over Time
Gratitude isn’t something that happens by chance—it’s something we choose to cultivate, with support and structure. Through therapy, parenting coordination, and the intentional use of tools like reflective listening and boundary-setting, we began to see each other through a different lens.
It became easier to notice what was working rather than only what was not. That clarity helped us align more often and create a steadier emotional environment for our child.
Why Gratitude Matters—for Everyone
Practicing gratitude changes the tone of a co-parenting relationship. It helps regulate emotions, opens the door to healthier communication, and reminds both parents what truly matters: the well-being of their child.
Children benefit enormously when their caregivers can show mutual respect and a willingness to collaborate. Gratitude contributes to this environment, offering a sense of calm and predictability that kids crave.
Gratitude and Boundaries Can Coexist
Choosing gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring harmful behavior or suppressing your needs. Healthy co-parenting involves holding boundaries—and doing so without bitterness. Gratitude helps make those boundaries clearer, cleaner, and more constructive. It allows us to approach challenges with a sense of purpose instead of defensiveness.
Support Makes a Difference
We didn’t reach this place on our own. Professional support made a world of difference. Working with a therapist and parenting coordinator helped us stay accountable, build skills, and move forward with consistency. Their guidance brought structure to our efforts and helped us see the situation with more clarity and possibility.
We also found strength in stories and resources that reflected the kind of co-parenting we wanted to create. Books, podcasts, and insights from individuals who lead with empathy, forgiveness, and resilience helped shape our approach.
Some resources that influenced and supported our growth include:
Brené Brown on vulnerability, courage, and empathy
Dr. Becky Kennedy’s podcast “Good Inside”, which offers emotionally attuned parenting guidance
Tammy Daughtry’s “Co-Parenting Works!”, a practical guide for families in transition
Insight Timer and Ten Percent Happier for meditations on presence, patience, and perspective
Final Thoughts
Gratitude can feel counterintuitive in high-conflict co-parenting, but when intentionally practiced, it can transform how families move forward. It has the power to shift the tone, improve communication, and give your child the gift of stability and connection.
Professional support, personal commitment, and a willingness to see the good—even in difficult circumstances—can foster a co-parenting relationship grounded in dignity and growth.
We found that kind of peace, and I believe other families can too.
I’ve navigated the waters of co-parenting. But I’m not just speaking from professional experience—I’ve lived it. I know what it takes to build something steady and peaceful out of what once felt tense, unpredictable, or even adversarial.
And I can confidently say this: gratitude changed our co-parenting story—and it can shape yours, too.
